Dream Dolphin Blog

Dinner

2012-02-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

Tonight we went out for family dinner. Agreed to share cost between the 3 of us.

Have been calculative over a few dollars - I mean ME. Don't understand why I did that infront of so many people. (I could have just forget about the few bucks). This is the first time I am so persistent over a few dollars just to be fair to everyone. Why always let my bro keep the change 'so naturally'? He has done that before. Maybe I just want to get 'revenge'. Or maybe I am stressed up due to heavy workload today.

Well, well........its just a small matter afterall. Why take it to heart. Since I have done it I shouldn't have any regrets, right ?

Hmm just be natural ok ? and things will go on as normal. Just treat what has happened a new experience.

Sigh, I have been overwhelmed with work today that I lost my 'cool' in office - banging the drawer, throw the keys into the box etc. Felt like a 'crazy woman' this morning. After all these happenings, felt so embarassed - such a mature person and yet I behave like that. No matter how I should not have lost my temper infront of my other colleagues. What a shame. I haven't been a good witness for the Lord. Felt so sorrie for Him and myself..........Yea I am not angry with my helper for taking mc but just feeling frustrated with the work and myself ! Not sure other people will get the wrong idea.
Anyway who cares ! Yes, that should be the way (I mean the phrase 'anyway who cares').

Be of good cheer - ME.

CNY (Chinese New Year)

2012-01-23T18:29:00.000+08:00

Its Chinese New Year again !

I do not know why - but I just have no new year mood...............am I bored ? or am I pathetic ?
or am I old ?

CNY to me is just another ordinary day except that we have more time to rest, to eat, to laze around the house. At least for me, its like that.

Not like years ago, I would shop for new clothes, new shoes, new bag etc.........but now didn't even bother to prepare anything. Just let it be....

In fact, I don't feel happy at all during CNY but I didn't tell anyone.

Sidetrack a bit ----- have been thinking of my SA on and off recently......maybe I am stressed.....I would think of something nice to comfort myself and doing some 'silly things' to destress.

Sigh.......always wish I could know SA better and be with her .......wish that I could incidently be her grandma's god child or good friend.......SOME SILLY IMAGINATIONS ON MY PART.......(This is fiction, ok).

Have lots of 'personal backlogs' to clear......mostly brought forward from 2011. Have to clear it within the next 1-2 months. Can't delay any longer.

No matter how, I must live well, keep well and stay well.

Blessings.

Family

2012-01-14T22:33:00.000+08:00

Family: what is family ?

Family is all members of the house living under one roof; if living apart - should be contacting each other every now and then. Should gather together for meal regularly. Many many more ...............

Well my family - its small but then I feel that its not united. Each one has his or her own thinking own mindset hardly one time where everyone is unanimous. Take the reunion dinner for example, usually my youngest sis-in-law will go back to the neighbour country about 1 week before the CNY and always ask for early reunion dinner from our family. But my younger bro is always unable to meet it halfway. I find that he is just unacommodating. Its just to get everyone to sit down and have a meal together - what is so difficult ? I don't understand. He always doesn't want to give in.

Though I am not the one asking for early reunion dinner but with this kind of answer I would feel disappointed.

Like today, my mum asked my bro again to have early reunion dinner, he said the wife is unable to make it due to work ..... Yes, I know work is important but family should always comes first. Sigh................

Perhaps it because the 2 bros are not close enough. In fact the three of us are not close. (Sigh).

As we start to age, our thinking will become more and more matured, more and more understanding, more and more regrets that there were so much things we didn't do or never think of doing it. Isn't it a bit too late to realise all these facts of life ? maybe yes, maybe no. (For me, I felt that I haven't treated my late father good enough). I always wish time could be turned around; could go backwards and I should be able to do better than I had done it.

Well, we should all treasure our family members when they are near us when they are around !

'Pent-up' emotions...

2012-01-03T21:28:00.000+08:00

Uhhhhhhh.............................

For the past week or so until today, always feel like 'screaming my head off'. Really felt very frustrated - the more I think about it, running the scenarios inside my brain - I really feel like screaming my head off and wish I could do a bungy jump from the top of MBS down to the ground. That way, maybe all my pent-up emotions will be blown away.

Why am I in this 'mode' or rather this mood. Well the more I think about my lost privacy in this home this house, the more I felt 'short changed' by my bro. I have slogged half of my life working hard, saving money, and at the end of the day managed to so-called owned a flat. Now, my bro and his family is staying in my house 'half free' and my flat is over-crowded overnight.

I have no more a bedroom to myself (so miserable) and after sometime praying that they will move out soon. Yes, they did mention about moving out about a year ago (after staying for around one and half year) but then changed their mind and carrying on staying here.

Nowadays whenever I thought about how in the past - I have a bedroom to myself and my mum also has a room to herself. Life could be better for the both of us until they moved in and looked like 'shi lai ze bu ju'. The way I see my bro - hanging onto his 'unstable income n flexible' job - didn't bother much to look for part time jobs to contribute to the household expenses. Not sure what's his mindset. If he had 20 years ago - stick to a stable income job - by now he could have own a flat/house and feed his own family good enough. Have thought of telling him off but he's a big man now, old enough to be sensible. If, I say if I am strong enough - would have given him a good punch to wake him up to face the reality face the world.

Now whenever I came home from work, I will see the floor messy, the table messy, my bed messy (with all the washed clothes lying there) - really an 'eyesore'. Its been a long time (3 years) since I last saw my house spick and span. Sigh.............when can this scene appears again...........when will all these people move out from my house for GOOD ???

Another thing, I dread to come home everytime after work. Wish I have all the energy to work 24 hours without resting, sleeping, eating. Yes, wish soooooooooooooo.

Well, its just the 3rd day of the New Year - wish my wish (the one that they will move out for good) will come true soon. (Not the wish that I could work 24 hrs).

Cheers, baby, no matter what or how, you (I) still need to face up to all happenings in the house, right ?

Be positive, be of good cheers, forget about all the unhappiness+ frustrations+emotionales+ (-)................................................................................................

Moo Moo Day

2011-12-24T15:46:00.000+08:00

Feeling moo moo today - not sure why ? Maybe few things have happened - some money problems.
Why I have to bear responsibility for others' misgivings or poor financial planning ? why ?

When I keep thinking of all these; I feel frustrated, irritated and becoming 'hot'. Felt like yelling and screaming but not in this house or rather in this cramped house. The more I think the more I feel frustrated. Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Yes, its a weekend - its a saturday - but I just can't do the things I like - its my house but I'm like staying under people's roof !

So pathetic right. Maybe not. Should not feel it this way. The more I feel it that way the more I will become one. Have to be, need to be, must be, POSITIVE and life must get on.

Maybe I am too soft hearted, too timid ? No, I'm just trying to be kind to be generous but how do people treat me or whatever.

Hey, its Christmas Eve today - so have to be joyful and peaceful, at least with myself - do not bother about what other ppl do or say. That's their business. I can't be mining so much business even if I am very capable. Right ? Hmm - YES M'am.

Ah.............................................

How I wish I could drive and now I would go round driving away all my frustrations and boredom.

There were so much things or rather skills which I didn't learn when I was younger...........and now I really regret and there is no do-over. No.

Only if I could ride a bicyle, swim or drive or cook then maybe I won't be feeling so bored so idle ......

Relative's problems; my problems ?

2011-12-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

My close relative wanted to get a loan from me again; just slightly more than a month ago than the previous time.

Sure, I was annoyed and ignored her sms. Two days later, she text me to ask if I receive her earlier text.
I replied to her quite unpleasantly but agreed to lend her the money provided she really return me. (I am soft hearted in a sense). She said she and her family has BIG problems and they are going to sell their flat !

She mentioned she will return me the loan after the transaction and really appreciated my help.
Hope that she is sincere in saying those words and not just empty promises. (Actually all along I have not really believed in the stories she told me why she needed money BUT I still lend to her). SIGH ..

At home, my 'in-house' relative also has financial problems - why so many problems - though not my problems directly but they really weigh me down; disturb my emotions; feeling down.....like tonight I really feel very moo moo. Sigh - why do I have so many of this kind of relatives - always broke - always owing ppl money ! why ?

Really 'peck-chieck'.

Back to my own self; have been thinking of my sweet angel again - just can't forget her as hard as I tried. Whenever I passed by her office building; I wish I could bump into her but I didn't. Am I crazy ?

Have also been thinking alot of the past (my life in 1-2 decades ago) - how I have let go lots of 'golden' opportunities - how I just let the chances slipped away - really have lots of regrets and thoughts ! Why again ? How much I wish time could be turned backwards and I could have those chances; opportunities again and I would have cling to them and hug them !

Me really really reg_ _ _ . Wish to get over all these past events and start life afresh. :-)

My Day

2011-12-13T22:12:00.000+08:00

I have done something 'stupid' today. I really regretted it and hope that the person involved would be forgiving towards me and I think she will.

I might have hurt her by saying those words. She is my elder but I was kind of rude to her by saying those words to her. She meant well and concerned by buying a cake for my birthday but somehow I told her off. I felt bad after this incident. Hope she will forgive me my rudeness.

Well, she has treated her family and close relatives well but how about me ?

I felt so embarassed for myself ! I am not thankful though I have been reading about thankfulness almost daily.

I am such a jerk ...believe me.

Holidays

2011-12-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

Just returned from a few days trip (with my family) to our neighbour country.

Didn't really enjoy the trip because I felt that I don't click with some people. I said to myself that I am not going out with them again.

Have spent quite a sum of money on transport and accommodation for everyone 'being forced' to pay. Was not happy with it in the beginning but began to 'cool off' eventually.

By right, going on holidays should enjoy one self but I don't really. Maybe I am petty or maybe I really don't enjoyed 'some ppl' company.

Sigh.............

Hope I could go on trips which I really enjoy myself. Wish I dare to travel alone !

Life

2011-11-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

Was feeling frustrated this morning and I vented some of it on my mum; thought its more of a complaint rather than venting my frustration or maybe a mixture of both.

I felt bad after I did that to my mum. I know I shouldn't have but already done it. Hope this won't happen again.

Since I have agreed to pay for the trip for the family, I shouldn't have any regrets or frustrations. The reason why I am 'pek chek' is because of accumulating pent-ups like anger and frustrations. Sometimes felt that my bro should concentrate more of his work than 'play' and be more worried about the bacon he could bought home for the family rather than spending time pursuing his hobbies (just think that he is not worried about the living expenses; well he is still young - if one job is not enough to sustain the household expenses; he should take up another part time job to complement the income but he takes it easy). That's where I am worried.

Maybe my worries is uncalled for. Sigh....

Come on, I think I just have to let go; I can't be putting my set of thinking on my bro's head.
Why not be happy rather than 'moo-moo' ? Life still has to go on.

Remembered I read somewhere in a finance blog : "We do not live to eat and make money. We eat and make money to be able to live. This is what life means and what life is for."

Well that's quite true !

Trip planning results

2011-11-25T11:31:00.000+08:00

Supposed to feel happy as our family is planning to go for a short trip in Malaysia in a week's time. Somewhere things happen in the process of booking the trip and I was unhappy and frustrated about it.
I even threw temper at my bro who is the one incharge of planning the trip and me is the one who will pay for the trip.

Actually him and me - both are easily hot headed. Not sure why the more I try to be patient and peaceful the more I get easily irrritated and angry.

Just this morning we had some arguments over the hotel online booking system. It is a small matter and don't know I just can't control my temper. My mum who is sitting nearby us kept looking at the both of us (she doesn't understand english).

Well since we have decided to go on a family trip, why not be prepared to be happy and looking forward to the trip rather than keep fuming over the small details ?

That's my character - easily agitated - perhaps is due to my health condition. Then the more I should not get easily agitated and angry and throw temper. Alright man I mean gal !

Come on cheer up, ok.

Money ?

2011-11-22T22:31:00.000+08:00

Well, have been approached recently by a close relative for some loans. I have lent him monies previously - quite a number of times. He kept saying he will pay me on a certain date but NEVER.

Always feel difficult to turn him down but today I have turned him down completely. I told him 'sorry I am unable to help you' though he promised that this is the real last time; his wife is pregnant and he will turn over a new leaf. He knew what he has done in the past was wrong etc. He will work hard and return me the monies he borrowed.

But I don't really believe in what he said. He always made empty promises and has not learnt his lessons. This time round I turned him down flatly. After a while I felt a bit uneasy thinking what if this time what he said is for real. He really needs the money to settle some urgent debts. But why does he involved himself in all these debts in the first place and what exactly are these debts for ?

I would like to help him but I have done so many times in the past and after lending him the monies, I felt myself like a fool falling into his 'traps' (always full of excuses).

Sigh.......he has told lies and made empty promises in the past and now if its really for REAL, no one is going to believe in him. Quite sad right ? Just hoping he will find his own way out of this 'crisis' and really learnt a lesson from it; and be more sensible and responsible towards life. Not sure why he has landed himself in such a plight !

Sigh again. Well I must be firm though I have the capability to help him but is it worthwhile in a sense ?

Not sure........

'Mistakes'

2011-11-19T18:56:00.000+08:00

I made a clumsy mistake recently. Supposed to give a friend some wedding gift. Happened to chance upon a gift which I thought was very approriate and bought it without second thought.

A week later, felt that the gift should be something better in terms of price and thought of exchanging it for something dearer but again on second thought, felt this gift was good enough.

Until, today, after sending off the gift - regretted that I should have given an 'ang pow' instead. Not sure why I bought a gift and was the only one who bought the gift to the church wedding this morning.

Hope the new couple do not misunderstand my intention. Its 'li qing qin yi zhong'.

I really gave them my best blessings.

Still felt that I have done something silly or rather stupid.

New experience

2011-11-08T12:12:00.000+08:00

Hi, my friend 'JW' asked me sometime ago to participate in the Big walk. I readily agreed without second thought. The event was held yesterday.

We went together. JW is always walking ahead of me - managed to catch up most of the times. (Not bad ah - Me).

It was a new experience for me - first time in my life joining the Big walk - its not too bad after all. Have enjoyed it. Was very tired when I reached home. Well, anyway, I have done something I have never done before.

Its a good try, good experience. Hooray !

Now then realised that I have missed out lots of things and fun when I was younger - have wasted a lot of time - I could have done better in many aspects if I am thoughtful enough in my younger days - perhaps I was not so matured in thinking then - anyway its not too late to start now doing the things I like and I wish I have done so, now.

Yes, I read somewhere - do not live in the past but in the present. Enjoy the present, be joyful.

Yep, must learn to be joyful and peaceful.

Not happy..

2011-11-05T13:05:00.000+08:00

Have been feeling down for the past few days - at work and at home.

At work; always get bugged by my left hand side neighbour - can felt that I am a bit hostile towards her - maybe it could be due to the past issue (still harbouring bittnerness on my part).

Always tell myself to forgive and forget - not sure why whenever this neighbour talks to me; I would feel irritated. Well, where's my gentleness ?

On the other hand, at home - felt that I no longer have privacy and quietness since the 'intruders' came to stay in my house. Wondering when they are going to move out of my house - looks like it would never happen. Not sure what's the 'man of the house' is thinking - to me he always laze around - money not enough - but does not care to look for part-time jobs - to me he is dependent on this household; on his so called wife.......... You know I am very 'sian'. I don't feel happy at all.
I want to have my privacy and my house back to ME.

Siiiiiiiiiiiigh. And then there's this mum of the 'man of the house' - only know how to comment on the 'wife' and always side the 'husband'.

Come on, brace up - think I got to change and not wait for others to change inorder to be myself to enjoy peace and everything I am entitled to.

Yes, now then I realised that ...Life really sucks !

2011-10-30T20:45:00.000+08:00

Went to visit the sweet angel yesterday early afternoon to settle some policy issues.

Felt nervous and happy at the same time.

It nice seeing her again (actually have forgotten how she looks like before I met her yesterday).

Think she has put on a bit of weight and I saw a big diamond ring on her left ring finger.
Guess its her wedding ring.

She gave me a corporate note-book as an advance birthday gift. I had bought her 'ferrero rocher' chocs. She said no but somehow I insisted and she accepted.

Anywhere, have managed to pass her the the gift which I have been longing to give to her.

Just wish I were 10 20 years younger to catch up with her. Well............its just wishful thinking on my part.

Hectic life..

2011-10-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

Have been very busy at work for the past few weeks till todate.

Still have an on-going project to be done by next Monday and other jobs to be done before end of next week. Its very hectic indeed. Have been working almost non-stop at work without 'proper rest'.

Looking forward to a short break after next week.

This morning when I woke up, I was feeling 'blues'. Just felt like scolding everybody in the house. I did threw up some temper. Just cannot control it. Rest of the day was okay though felt a bit tired (maybe due to hectic weeks at work).

This afternoon, noticed my mum made 'funny face' at my SIL again. Felt a bit uncomfortable. Somehow told my mum off and carry on to lecture my brother behind his back (I know its not right).
How come my mum is still prejudiced against her since we have been staying under one roof for almost 3 years. How come my mum still has not forgive her daughter in law over the past incident.
Why ?

Quite sad to see this happening between the 2 of them. Sigh... I only hope the best for everyone in this household.

I know I sometimes also made silly mistakes - like saying the wrong words at the wrong timing; vent my anger on the kids; jealous of other people. Have been telling myself lately that I must be loving, forgiving and graceful and also patient. But I kept forgetting and lose my cool. Anyway I have to keep on keeping on to learn and practice these virtues.

Good nite.

Saying 'No' and regrets

2011-10-16T20:30:00.000+08:00

I find it difficult to say 'No' most of the times. I just feel bad if I want to say 'no' even to a stranger.

Well, just because I am unable to say 'no' today, I spent a 250 dollars to sign up for some massage package. After I left the shop, I felt kind of uneasy and 'heartache' to part with my 250. I forgot that I only have a few hundred dollars in my spending budget and yet I went to pay 250 for this 'unnecessary package'.

Why can't I say 'no' to the sales person ? Why I must oblige to her request to sign up the package when I know I would take ages to complete the whole course ? Why is it so difficult to say 'no' - WHY ?

I really regretted what I did today. I felt myself kind of like a fool. How come I scolded myself fool ?
I also don't know.

Whenever I did something or bought something; somehow most of the times I will feel regrets ... not sure why I always regret after doing something or buying something when at first I didn't think of the consequences.

All these years, I have been having lots of regrets ....... of late I have been asking myself why I didn't do this why I didn't do that when I was younger or in my younger days. If I have been doing this and doing that, I would have been leading a happy life - perhaps so.

How I wish time could travel backwards. There would be lots of things which I think I could do them better if given a second chance. Sigh....I just feel that I have missed out lots of 'good stuff' in the past which I didn't got hold of it when it passed by me - an example of it is 'getting married'. I should have got myself married and have a taste of 'marriage life' instead of now always envying other couples.

Now I really find that life is short and I have wasted so much time during my younger days. I better 'buck up' now and do what I like and love instead of regretting this and regretting that. I think I must not spend too much time thinking whether I should do this or not. Maybe should just go with my instinct - my first instinct on things which I need to make decision.

Some thoughts...

2011-10-10T22:04:00.000+08:00

Heard from the maid that they won't be around at home this weekend and 'grandma' will be at home alone as I am also going for a short trip just before the weekend.

I didn't asked where they would be going but just found out from my niece that they are going to Sentosa to celebrate her mummy's birthday 'secretly' as from what the maid said 'grandma' will be alone at home.
Why 'grandma' is not invited ??

I felt kind of disappointed or to be more exact - hurt, on hearing this. If by the time they didn't ask 'grandma' to go along then I felt that they are 'too much'.

Everytime they will say we are one family but then when there's outings or what, usually 'grandma' and me were left out. At the very least, they should just ask us as a courtesy. Really I felt that they are so selfish in a way.

Well, I shall not judge or criticise people especially my family members. But see how they are treating us when we are all staying under 'one roof'. SIGH.

Maybe its still too early to judge as there are a few more days to go. Well do not think so much and worry too much okay. Actually I am a bit angry or something close to angry. For what ? with this kind of people - is it worth it ?

We have always treated them nicely and this is what we get.

Its always the thought that counts. Right ?

Meet-up

2011-10-05T23:09:00.001+08:00

Meet-up with my 'cousin' today after work.

We had dinner at AMK Hub. She started to talk about some general happenings. Then she start to go into the agenda.

She asked me for a loan - a big sum of money (to help settle her hubby's debts). She said I am the other person whom she dare to borrow money from besides her older sister. She mentioned that its actually her older sister who advised her to ask me for the loan saying that I might be able to help her.

I felt a mixture of feelings with question marks here and there. I quite flatly said no but only can spare a lesser amount. She said its not adequate to pay the debts and she has a tight dateline to meet. If I could lend her this amount, she will pay me back by monthly instalments. I felt a bit 'soft inside' but I insist that I could only loan her so much. She really wish I could help her tide over this 'storm'.

I am not sure you know. If I help her to settle this 'storm', I got a feeling that another 'storm' is going to appear though she said this is the last time. I just feel that there is no ending. Siiiiiiiiiiigh.

This is not the first time she borrows money from me. I have been helping her whenever she asks me but the interval is getting closer and closer. Looks like no ending.

Do not understand why she has landed into such a plight (I felt uneasy also hearing her plight) due to her husband's, her sons' and her own 'greed' or overspending.

Well I felt sorry for her but I must not be emotional towards 'money problem' though can felt that she is very worried about the dateline. She said could have to go to Court if she can't settle the money by the dateline (that's what she told me). Siiiiiiiiiiiigh again.

She made me fall into a dilemma ?

Missed calls

2011-10-03T23:42:00.000+08:00

I have received missed calls this morning. It was from my 'cousin'.

Each time she calls me, I will feel uneasy - uneasy that its not something good.

I did not return her calls as I was going to have a busy day at work - to finish work which my boss gave me last friday before I knocked off work.

Texted her that I would call her later. I did during my lunchtime but she did not answer my call somehow.

Later in the afternoon, she texted me to ask if we could meet today or tomorrow after work.

I did not reply to her until about 2 hours ago, I tried to call her but no response from her.

Am worried about what agenda she has in meeting me. Have called up her sister earlier to ask if she like to join our meeting but she declined.

I guess most probably its about money. She is always short of money. I just loaned her some money yesterday. Not again that she is asking me for more money. It made me very vexed to see her in such a plight. We have helped her many a times but somehow she take for granted that we should help her. I dont mind to help but she has to change her ways of living (suspicious that she is involved in big gambling or even borrowed money from loan sharks). Sigh...

Just hope she would not be sinking deeper and deeper to the muddy soil of money debts.

Wish she could be honest to us and will learn to be good and keep moving out of the debts.

Good luck to me and her.

The Sweet Angel

2011-09-26T22:30:00.000+08:00

Felt very much to send a small gift to Sweet Angel. There isn't any special reason but just thought of buying her something out of the blue.

Have thought about it for a long time (maybe a month or so) but everytime my thought will end there when I thought of what would have happened if I really bought her a gift and passed it to her ?

What she would think of me for buying her something? Crazy ? Silly ? Some hidden agenda ?

I told myself since I do not have a good enough reason - let's forget about it and stop thinking and dreaming abouther (though I felt the urge to meet her again). Nothing fruitul is going to happen out of it. By the way, it would only made myself miserable and who's knows I will keep thinking of her non-stop. Well I have been doing so for more than a month. Only I myself know that kind of feelings.

Am I really 'wu yao ke chiu'. ???

Talk too much tonight

2011-09-16T22:34:00.000+08:00

Aiya, I have talked too much (over-talk) tonight.

It all started with my youngest niece. She was lying down eating dinner, being fed by her maid.
I can't stand her behaviour and scolded her but she ignored me totally. That made me angrier. I kept lecturing her and she just acted 'blur' (buat bodoh).

She is only 6 years young and then she is such a 'pain in my neck'. I felt like slapping her if only she is my own daughter.

Well, you can't really beat up someone else's child. The child will hate you and the parents might too.

Infact I scolded her parents indirectly. I am so real angry and frustrated.

This girl is very stubborn, naughty and what not. Just wondering if she's sick somewhere ?

I have scolded too much and talked too much. Just hope the maid would not gossip to her employer about this incident.

I am very very angry with my niece's kind of attitude - not sure what and where's wrong with her - she just doesn't fear us (me, my mum, her maid). She kind of rude also when talking to us.

Sigh Sigh Sigh...............

I have been telling myself not to scold her again but I really can't stand her attitude and behavour and I scolded her hard enough. Again she is not 'touched' anyway.

Really don't know what to do with her. Perhaps she did all these to attract attentions. I guessed so but am not too sure about it.

I really hope and wish my this niece will behave good and better and not getting worse.

Alright men.

I don't wish to tell her off or scold her again. Just hope it won't happen again but no promise since I am quite easily agitated. Must really keep cooooooool ok !

Hope I will behave myself well (you know I have trying to learn to be gentle and gracious and see what has happened tonight - I have 'spilled the milk all over the floor').

Good gracious ME !!

After thoughts (continue)

2011-09-11T20:00:00.000+08:00

Sigh, my mum is nagging about my sis in law again - 'very sian' you know.

Don't know why she just can't let go of the past bad blood between the 2 of them. Its been 3 years already and my mum is still harping on it (inside her heart, I know).

All this while, I always thought that my mum has already forgiven my SIL but in actual fact she didn't. Not sure why she is so partial towards her. If she doesn't like her at all, she should say so before my bro married her.

She always like to make 'funny faces' behind my SIL's back. On the outlook, she just pretend to talk to her but behind her back she is not happy. (SIGH).

Why is she(my mum) like this ? I got a feeling that my SIL could sense her 'hostility' (something quite close to that description). Not only this, I also feel a big upset that my mum is unforgiving towards my SIL. But why so. Why can't she just forgive, forget and let go and 'close one eye, open one eye' and make her days and my days happy. I don't feel happy when I see her behaving like that.

Why my mum can't just forgive and forget and be happy, rather than always complaining to me about SIL. I am getting sick of it. Actually, I just told her indirectly to ask my bro to move out and this problem may be solved. Why she always make noise to me and not to the person concerned that is my bro, her precious son.

Why.......................

I just feel stressed out whenever she 'gossip' about SIL or her house maid. Her house maid is another one of a kind who is very 'busybody' trying to find out everything happening around the family.

I feel quite stressssssful....you know ?

Just hope that they will move out of my house sooner (and then there will be peace in this house this home), hopefully beginning of next year or anytime next time. Wish my dream will come true fast.

Yes, be positive. Must not let my mum disrupts my inner peace or influence my mood.

I am starting to learn to be positive and let go of all unhappiness. Well I have been taken advantage of by other people. I hate it but now I am going to do something about it and not make myself a victim to any bullies.

Yes, that's it. Don't think so much, okay ? Everything will be fine !

After thoughts

2011-09-09T22:59:00.000+08:00

I start to find my mum fussy and naggy of late. She wasn't like this when she was younger. As she aged, she became more 'partial' to my sis in law.

That's due to some bad blood between the 2 of them a few years ago and yet my mum still harps on the incident by making 'funny face' at her behind her back and didn't give good impression of her to other people.

I felt so disheartened to see my mum behaving like this. Well she is a Christian - at least she should be forgiving.

She treats the other daughter in law better and not this one. (Sigh...)

Well have to stop now as I heard my sis in law coming home

Reconnect

2011-09-02T22:36:00.000+08:00

After our last conversation 2 weeks ago, I eventually plucked up my courage to call her again this afternoon.

She sounded normal over the phone and me sounded a bit nervous.

Anyway, am glad that I called her today after 2 weeks' of waiting.

Actually before I call her, felt the urge to visit her at her workplace as it's just a few stops away from my workplace but I think the situation doesn't warrant it.

Well, maybe will visit her one of these days when I am in a 'better shape' as I didn't slept well for the past 1-2 weeks because of irritating body rashes.

Okay, that's all for now.

Good nite, Sweet Angel -: )

Boring Saturdays

2011-08-30T17:28:00.000+08:00

For the past few months, I have been thinking of how I should spend my weekends especially Saturdays.

My Saturdays are kind of boring. The same routine every now and then: Wake up -buy breakfast - eat breakfast - surf the net - laze around listening to music or watch TV programmes and then doing nothing and let the time passing by.

I realised that I have wasted so much time doing nothing meaningful -- well at least that's what I am thinking.

I could have done something better or something I like on Saturdays. That's what I have now decided to do from next Saturday onwards.

I wanna do something I like; maybe go somewhere quiet for relaxing or go to somewhere I have never been to before (get away from home - nowadays with my sibling's family staying with me and mum; there isn't much privacy and peacefulness at home even on my rest days).

I felt frustrated sometimes that even in my own house, I couldn't find some quiet time to myself.

There's always squabbling between my nieces; my mum nagging at them to take showers and meals; the maid (a very vocal one) reminding my nieces to keep their own stationery and toys etc after using them. Even if there is no squabbling and nagging; my house is a bit cramp with 8 of us living under one roof in a HDB flat. Besides that, I rarely have a chance to watch my favourite TV programmes as I always give in to my mum or my nieces watching their favourite channels...

Feel like sighing again. Well maybe things will be better next year - hoping my sibling's family would be able to move out by end of next year and my mum and I will have our own privacy.

Missing 'You'

2011-08-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

Its been a week since I last text 'G'. Wondered how she felt about my text ?
Didn't get any reply. Hope she is not upset or angry with me.

Have been thinking of visiting or calling her but am undecided about it.

Not sure if 'G' would treat me the same as before (before I text her the silly note). I don't think she is the petty sort but I feel kind of embarassed to even call her.

Sigh..

Wish I have the courage to call and talk to her again soon.

Aiy..why I always said the wrong things when I thought it was fine in the first place ??

Thank you note

2011-08-19T20:54:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, I sent a thank you note to one of my service provider for the good services rendered to me.

She called me 2 days ago to thank me. She sounded very happy and humble over the phone and keep saying thank you, thank you.

I felt a bit 'bad' for her to thank me so much. So I sent her an sms to say that she is so 'ke qi' and that she dearly deserved my compliments for being so nice to me.

After sending off the sms, I quickly regretted that I shouldn't have sent it. My sms to her may cause some misuderstandings due to the wordings I used. I felt so 'guilty' and am not sure how she would think of my sms and keep waiting for her to reply my sms but she didn't.

I kept 'slapping' myself and wish I have talked to her personally about it rather than text her.

Aaai, really wish that was a only a dream.

Now I felt so bad about this incident (the motive was good) that I dare not think of calling her again but wish that I could have a chance to talk to her again.

Maybe I have worry too much about it !

Happenings today

2011-08-15T22:34:00.000+08:00

This morning, I was looking for my small paper bag.

My mum saw me and asked what I am looking for. I answered her loudly and rudely "paper baaag".
After the words came out from my mouth, I felt so regretful. Why I answered my mum in such a manner. I reproached myself silently and I left home for work.

I told myself that I shall not let this happen again. No matter how I thought of her (my mum) all these years; whether she's partial or bias towards me, she is still my mum. I have to show respect to her. I should not shout at her or answered her question rudely. What has happened was all 'pent-up anger' on my part.

I'm not sure how she felt it with the way I answered her. She must have felt hurt anyway. But no matter what, I know my mum is a strong woman since she was young. I mean she has a strong character.

I really felt so bad about the whole incident. Have to be more careful when I talk to my mum from now on. Hope to talk to her nicely and gentlely in future because I do not want to have any regrets in future. I need to be forgiving just like God has forgiven me time and time again. Must not get easily hot headed. Ok ? Yes.

Sigh....anyway its over and hope we (my mum and I) will soon forget about this morning's incident and get along well.

The Sweet Angel

2011-08-12T22:51:00.000+08:00

I called "the sweet angel" about some enquiries.

The moment I heard her voice..I felt so refreshed as her voice is so sweet.

I wish I have lots of things to talk to her (to feel the sweetness of her voice) but I don't know what to talk to her though I could tell that she enjoyed talking to me and I also enjoyed talking to her (but I'm a person with few words).

Really hope we could talk again or meet again.

Have a sweet sweet dream, Sweet Angel :)

Children...

2011-08-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

Children ...well not my own kids ---- I am talking about my nieces and nephews.

My nieces stay with me. Sometimes have to coach them in their homework. The older one is more disciplined whereas the younger one is naughty (at least I find her to be).

I guess she is a spoilt child since she is the youngest and her mum loves her a lot. Her mum (my sis in law) always say do not give the child any stress especially in doing homework. Just let her be.

Well, I don't agree with this statement. Sure, we only want the child to do and complete whatever homework the school teacher gives her. If she or he could do that - its good enough. We did not ask her to do more than that. I think its not too much stress on the child.

My this youngest niece - she is active and playful generally. But when it comes to doing homework, she will find excuses like saying later then do or tomorrow then do. What's this.
She could take 1-2 hours just to do one page of english assessement !

I am always angry when coaching her. Will shout and scream at her when she did not pay attention to what I said.

I know I shouldn't shout and scream at her especially when she is young (P1). I always regretted it after I have done so and tell myself that the next time I shall not shout at her again, but then the next time it happens again. Well because I am easily became hot=headed !

Tonight the same thing happens again. She just made me so angry when coaching her with her homework, that halfway through, I walked away and come into my bedroom to write this blog.

Hope I will change my attitude towards this particular niece and she will change her attitude towards me too, especially to be respectful

Come on, be positive and wish things should turn out well...

Encounter with a charming person

2011-08-09T15:42:00.000+08:00

Through some business transactions, I get to know this person who is very charming (at least that's how I feel about).
On the second meet-up, felt like telling her that she is real charming but dare not do so. Am afraid that she might misunderstood my compliments to her. Yea, its a sincere compliments.
Have been thinking of her every night since I last met her..
Not sure if its good or bad to keep thinking of her charming look.
Well, anyway, nothing will come out of all these imaginations............you know.
Sigh......wish I could meet her in real person again and take a real good look at her (that's all I ask for).
Am not too much, right ?